Jen loves her family, and she knows they love her too. They continue to ask her "When are you coming home?" 12 years have past and they still ask her that. Jen went out-of-state for college, and since then has graduated with a degree in Psychology and created a new home for herself. She yearns to come home to her family and community someday, but visits every 3-4 months in the meantime...
"Oh my gad, Jen!", Tita Joy gasps dramatically, "Ikaw ha, you gained a lot of a weight! Have you been eating a lot?" Tita Joy sucks her stomach in her jeans 2 sizes too small – she had hoped to fit into them perfectly over the last 10 years, but her plan of slimming down didn’t quite work out for her.
"Yah!", Lola looks straight at Jen, "You’re fat!"
"So what! I’m happy with my size and I’m happy with my life," Annoyed, Jen says to Tita Joy "Look who’s talking! You…"
"Hoy! This is my after giving birth to 5 kids! How ‘bout you, do you have any kids?!"
"You gave birth to the last one 25 years ago, what are you talking about?!"
Lola butts in again, "You're not the only one, Gigi’s fat too!"
"Hoy! I just pointed out your flaw, and you get defensive about it?!", Tita Joy aggressively raises her voice, "Fine, I won’t help you improve anymore!" She rolls her eyes and whispers, "Talagang walang respeto!" Raises her voice again, "Oh is that why you’re not living here ha?! A decade has gone by and your family can’t count on you being around all the time anymore! What?! You think you’re too good for us?!"
Anger and guilt are fuming out of Jen’s eyes, and they well up like a glass about to overflow with water. She doesn’t know whether to blow up, or to just walk away and cool down – not something her family was accustomed to.
"I'm not ready! I'm just not ready yet!!!" Jen takes a deep breath, and contemplates on what she has been contemplating since she left home... Jen loves her family, but she's not sure if she'll just end up going crazy if she were always around them.
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Friday's writing: what comes off the page: missing and movement and in-between: no mistakes. There's a feeling of dashing from one side (of a stage) to the other, and the action is heavy midstage but not seen or lingered on by the one moving about. Stop once: describe the sister, the nephew or what you imagined him to be, in the same family scenario: how will they both react? Is it reminiscent, recognizable?
ReplyDeleteBlog Entry: "not something her family was accustomed to...not ready yet!" What they WERE accustomed to then was to stay and verbally escalate this dialog? There's a apologetic summation to this scene vs continuing the story: What does Jen see outside this situation, something she has learned elsewhere about group dynamics that could apply here? If buttons are as easily pushed as they were 25 years ago, what had happened that Tita Joy mentions "can't count on you"? She belies her name:) - was she ever joyous? "Bloodline and history" - a very heavy burden under which people can buckle, dismiss, avoid, forget--or see through, align to themselves, connect. What can be compared now with support and familylike ties like in Babae, or in-fights, or makeups to the one with Tita and Lola? I look forward to Friday, see you then.