Family Love (extended)

Jen loves her family, and she knows they love her too. They continue to ask her "When are you coming home?" 12 years have past and they still ask her that. Jen went out-of-state for college, and since then has graduated with a degree in Psychology and created a new home for herself. She yearns to come home to her family and community someday, but visits every 3-4 months in the meantime...

"Oh my gad, Jen!", Tita Joy gasps dramatically, "Ikaw ha, you gained a lot of a weight! Have you been eating a lot?" Tita Joy sucks her stomach in her jeans 2 sizes too small – she had hoped to fit into them perfectly over the last 10 years, but her plan of slimming down didn’t quite work out for her.

"Yah!", Lola looks straight at Jen, "You’re fat!"

"So what! I’m happy with my size and I’m happy with my life," Annoyed, Jen says to Tita Joy "Look who’s talking! You…"

"Hoy! This is my after giving birth to 5 kids! How ‘bout you, do you have any kids?!"

"You gave birth to the last one 25 years ago, what are you talking about?!"

Lola butts in again, "You're not the only one, Gigi’s fat too!"

"Hoy! I just pointed out your flaw, and you get defensive about it?!", Tita Joy aggressively raises her voice, "Fine, I won’t help you improve anymore!" She rolls her eyes and whispers, "Talagang walang respeto!" Raises her voice again, "Oh is that why you’re not living here ha?! A decade has gone by and your family can’t count on you being around all the time anymore! What?! You think you’re too good for us?!"

Anger and guilt are fuming out of Jen’s eyes, and they well up like a glass about to overflow with water. She doesn’t know whether to blow up, or to just walk away and cool down – not something her family was accustomed to.

"I'm not ready! I'm just not ready yet!!!" Jen takes a deep breath... "I come home and all I hear is nag, nag, nag, nag, nag...

I want to come home someday, but I want to be strong enough for that moment. There were times I hated being away from all of you... I miss you all so very much, even as I'm standing right in front of you now. I knew that if I came back too soon I wouldn't grow as much. 

If I were here, I wouldn't learn to be myself, I wouldn't be proud to be myself. When I went away, I was resenting the person I've made myself to be up until that point. I was empty because I didn't know who I was... I tried my best to be everything everyone wanted me to be.

Mom says I've changed, and it's true, I have... I don't want to please everyone to sacrifice my well-being anymore! I don't want to hide anymore! I just want to be accepted even with my mistakes and flaws! I want to be honest with you and especially myself!! I've worked so hard to love myself, and everytime I come back I worry that I'll be that person again. 

I don't mean to disrespect you, I just don't want to suppress myself anymore."

"Well gee, I'm... I'm sorry Jen. I didn't think it was such a big deal to comment on the way you're looking these days... I thought I was helping you out!"

Jen loves her family, but she's not sure if she'll just end up going crazy if she were always around them.